Right here right now!

No one is listening so here it is. Today was a better day until it wasn't.  Anxiety has been cuddling in my bosom all day like a cat purring for attention. Occasionally I felt it's weight and vibrations, but mostly I was okay.
      I had a great afternoon.  I was able to venture outside for a bit and recharge. It helped, as I knew it would. Really it has been a good day I just had a small bump in the road, but I am positive that I will figure things out.
     I wish I had something important to say. Some philosophical advice perhaps. Alas, I do not. I am merely a person trying to make sense of things and for whatever reason I feel the need to share my thoughts.  I'm hoping there's someone out there who is as desperate as I am.

I just need a place to put this all out there. I feel stuck like a fly who has landed in a pile of honey or something equally sticky. I've always felt this way and it has nothing to do with where I am currently living or my job or anything.  I am a broken human and I don't know how to fix myself. I find getting out of bed in the morning to be an extremely daunting task. It's not that I am so incredibly tired, rather that I enjoy sleeping. However,  it makes me feel sullen to know that I wasted away in bed most of the day and then I have to spend the rest of the day at work. It's always really easy to find a reason to stay in bed. For instance today it was cramps and a headache that kept me here. Sometimes I'm too cold, sometimes I actually am tired, sometimes I don't have the energy.  The logical me knows that if I got out of bed, got dressed, and went on a walk that I'd feel better.  Because the logical me has won at this game before and was proven correct. Being outside makes me feel glorious. The sun on my face re-energizes my soul.  A beautiful day has the ability to make my heart beat its way through the wall of my chest and calm my nerves.  Unfortunately the logical me and the illogical me fight often. The other side to this token is that sometimes going for walks on a nice day feel wonderful until they don't. Being alone with your thoughts is not all it is cracked out to be.  I start thinking about unpleasant things, downright awful things invovling blood, carnage, poverty, insanity,  ect. Then I have to go to work or interact with other adults somewhere after fighting a war in my head and that make me want to crawl right back in bed. So I guess maybe the sun isn't the answer. Then what is?